Yes, sir! I sure did. Got it at Bongo's Hardware!
Jessica, Gavyn, and I will be going on a trip to Massachusetts today, we'll be leaving in a few hours. The weather's supposed to be enjoyable so I'm looking foreward to it. We are visiting Jessica's aunt, uncle, cousins, and their new child, so it's Jessica's new baby cousin. I love going on trips to Massachusetts.
Some people I know like my new hair cut! I love it too. I also loved having long hair though.
I got out of my computer chair earlier and closed my eyes really tight and then opened them, and then I felt dizzy and lightheaded, like I was going to pass out. Scary!
Pimping Pete and I are going to create a sitcom called "My Neighbor Nelson" .... yeah yeah yeah! (It was Pete's idea!)
The reason is, my neighbor, Nelson Aldrich, is funny, yet he's an asshole. He's a former teacher at a college, and he's about 65 and he acts just like Jack Nicholson. He says things like "You're lucky, you get sex with your girlfriend anytime you want, when I haven't had sex for 35 years" LoL. But he also is a very smart man and will come over out of the blue and figure something out. He's like a scientist! I always scare him too, when I go outside, if I see him in his yard, I creep up behind him and then I yell something and it makes him jump in the air. He's also a professional racing bicyclist. He can be an idiot though.
I woke up this morning with dizziness/vertigo, it was horrible. I hadn't had that for a LONG time. Hopefully I'm better by tomorrow. I'm currently in an argument with Jessica and that's too bad, but things will be better when I give her some sex, and that's good. Gavyn is still obsessed with jumping, it's still cute! Tomorrow I will be watching Gavyn as Jessica has to work. When my Mom gets home I will bring Gavyn there and then I will work in my yard... oh, for the people obsessed with me, I just got another tractor... it was originally mine but I sold it, but the guy bought a new tractor and gave it back to me. BACK TO THE GARDEN, well, I've tilled most of the vegatable garden, and I have to remove some brush on one side, including fucking pine branches which are very acidic, but Pimping Pete put them there last fall, also with a ton of other brush and firewood, which none were supposed to be put there. I plan on planting peas, carrots, lettuce, brocoli, corn, tomatoes, peppers, squash, watermelon, and squash. Sounds nice, doesn't it? YUM. I love vegatables and fruit. How do you think I keep my weight down? I smoke a lot of cigarettes! But that's not the point, the point is "Eat your veggies and whole grains too, fruits and fiber will nurish you!"... taken from the words of musical 'God', Brian Wilson! I also plant some string beans somewhere around the house. My flower gardens haven't much in them right now, but maybe my Mother or Sister will be working in them. I hope to set up the whole flower garden because last year, it was only on one section of the building that there was a flower garden while the older gardens grew grass and weeds. I'll probably till all that under and add some compost to the soil. The fruit garden is growing all ready! The raspberry plants are starting to grow, I'm sure the black raspberry plants are starting to grow as well. The blueberry's are long gone as they've been trampled on and all. I plan to plant some strawberry plants that grow big berries, as the only strawberry plants we have, are wild little tiny ones. They are good, but they are so tiny.
My Great Grandfather is in poor health so I should visit him sometime soon. Apparently, he got the flu a couple months ago, and has been going downhill since (and hasn't been eating). Being in a nursing home doesn't help, they don't promote excersize! He went into the Nursing Home to just get his meds regulated I think, but he ended up being in there longer and eventually became wheel chair bound. I see a lot of people like that. I don't recall anyone promoting residents to go for walks though. I think it must be very depressing to be in a nursing home, knowing that you'll probably die in there. I'd probably committ suicide if I was in one. When I go to a nursing home, I feel like I need to take a five hour shower afterwards, because I've heard horror stories about nursing homes, about how some employee's don't clean correctly, etc. Also, the smell in nursing homes is disgusting, makes me sick just thinking about it.
SORRY for the spelling mistakes!
... and I feel good! Oooo!!!!
So, today was a fine day, it fuckin' SNOWED!!! It's been really warm lately, but it snowed again, only for a few minutes. Jessica and Gavyn are doing great and I'm doing great. We visited Joey and Jon today and it was an okay visit, thank God that Jon wasn't drunk! Haha, his ex wife was there as well, and she loved holding Gavyn! Well, that's my day! What about yours? Har Har Har!
PS - Barry eats out his doggy. In 1984, he was in the bar, drunk, playing Radio Ga Ga over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. He's an ass and he is responsible for spamming my blog, I imagine.
It's 3:13 am and I'm quite tired but I can't go to sleep yet for reasons known only to me and my family. So, I'm awake. It's been quite rainy lately and I don't mind it much at all, in fact, I'm enjoying it. The leaves and flowers are blooming and it's during that time of Spring, when it's so beautiful. I've been on the computer too much lately though, and I'd like to get out more. Right now it's pretty cold out (I think around 28 degrees), and there's frost on the vehicles. I've decided I want to go to college so I can become a private investigator, as I find that'd be a wonderful career even though I want to be a full time musician someday. Gavyn loves to jump lately, he's full of a lot of energy. At the doctor's appointment for his shots the other day, he was 18.09 lbs and 27 inches tall. He's tall for his age, and he's so happy. He is smiling all the time and laughs and loves to be tickled. You can never spoil a baby! I'm going to spoil him forever and treat him better than my Dad has treated me. Jessica is doing well lately too. I need to write more songs and play piano more often. I haven't done much with music lately and it's starting to depress me. Besides Unsolved Mysteries, I've watched a lot of Walker Texas Ranger lately, which is a great show. As for my mind lately, I think I seem to be depressed even though I have no reason to be. I just seem to want to be left alone lately and not listen to anyone except whoever is singing the song that I'm listening to at the time. Sometimes I feel like there's nothing good about me, emotionally or physically, and I feel like "is my life really worth living?"... I think I make a lot of people say being the way I am, and it hurts me to see sad people. I'm demading and like things my way, and I have all these fucking emotional problems which people must put up with. I don't even get along with my Dad anymore, and I'm not working either. I don't have any friends anymore as a lot of them have turned to drugs, or they are just too cool for me. Oh well. You know, depression and anxiety are the worst things in the world. Luckily I haven't had any panic attacks in a long time. During a panic attack, it's so scary, that you wouldn't mind if you died right then and there. After a big panic attack, it can be days before you can even walk outside again, as it uses up all your anxiety and you're still uptight and wound up, fearing you'll have another panic attack. When I had my last big panic attack, I was hospitalized, and they told me to cut down on caffeine products... I ended up not drinking any caffeine products since, and that was back in like September of 2007!!! I was drinking a 12 pack of Pepsi and 2 - 4 larged Iced coffee's a day... no joke, and I quit cold turkey. I had caffeine withdrawls for like two months and still have them from time to time. I was also wound up though, and the caffeine buzz had to come to a stop. To control my anxiety and panic attacks, I am on a 1mg tablet of Ativan, four times a day (every five hours, the first one when I wake up, the last one when I go to bed), I also take a 37.5 mg tablet of Effexor every morning to help keep the anxiety down as well, but also to not make me so depressed, and for my ADHD, I take a small 5mg tablet of Ritalin twice a day. I've been on Ativan since the end of August of 2006.. long time. I'll probably die of liver damage! The doctors say it's the right medication even though I am addicted to it. I'm addicted to it because it's a taste of Heaven compared to the Hell I live through without it. I mean, my anxiety used to be so bad I'd spend weeks in bed, and I'd not eat.... I'd piss in cups in my room, and my friends were wondering what the hell was going on. I was suffering panic attacks many times in a day... I don't know how Jessica could deal with it all, she's an angel! I was constantly shaking and if I was out of bed, I was pacing back and forth, and I couldn't eat at the table as I was so uptight and shakey. A lot of the times, I felt like I was dying. Being on all these medications that keep me active sometimes makes me irratated. Do you know what it's like to feel buzzed every day? Sure the buzz was fun at first, but after a while, you get bored. I don't feel normal off of medications and I don't feel normal on medications. I do however feel a lot better on medications. One problem though is it's like a roller coaster ride as I do feel the withdrawls of the Ativan after about four hours, which sucks. I attend counseling and group therapy, not particularly for anxiety, but for many matters of emotional problems, there's people with different emotional/mental problems in the group. I think it does help and I enjoy helping people who have problems like mine, who think they are all alone in this fight. I wrote a song titled 'Injected With Anxiety' and the lyrics are posted in some doctor's office in, I think, Michigan, because the doctor who asked to put them in her office, has a lot of patients with anxiety problems and it relates to a lot of the symptoms of anxiety. The song lyrically describes from the time you're feeling fine, to the point of a full blown anxiety attack, and then the ending effect. After a panic attack, you feel so tired and almost a high like feeling, just from being relieved from the anxiety. A lot of people don't know what anxiety is, and they think it's worrying about anything, but they don't think it's intense and could make you a recluse. I was a recluse for a long time. I thought of committing suicide many times because of it. Many people do kill themselves because of it. Over half othe alcoholics in the world, are alcoholic's due to their anxiety problems, and not knowing what causes it, or why they are feeling the way they do. I pray to God that Gavyn never has anxiety problems, and he grows up to be a happy adult and he doesn't need to take medications to live life. I'm the most boring and most bored person in the world. Five years ago, I didn't think I'd be a dad. I didn't think I'd be in love either, as I always pushed people away. Nothing matters to me in this world except for Jessica and Gavyn, they are my life. The two people I love most in this world... my wife and my son.
A lady from my town was murdered by this serial killer.
